The Days of...

These are the days of kissing cheeks and whispers of "I love you, little Coco."

These are the days of making bits of stitching a priority. Because I want my girls to have the memories that I do of a mother who creates for them. Hopefully influencing them to want to sew someday. Or perhaps they will paint. Or play the guitar. Or do all kinds of amazing creating that I haven't even attempted yet.

And these are the days of returning to a loved Friday morning ritual: a coffee shop date with a pile of books. And pastry. Because I've finally acknowledged that while I can happily never taste another chip or sip of soda, regular pastry is good for my state of mind. Or perhaps it's just that the pastry creates a setting conducive to journaling and that kind of thoughtful reading I find so refreshing. All I know is that I pipe something really peaceful into my earbuds, sip my latte, pull out my pen, and before I know it my thoughts soar. I jot notes to myself on ways I could course-correct in my own life. And I pause a lot to stare out a window and absorb the words of whatever author I've brought along.

These two books have been like water in a dry place for me. The Artistic Mother giving me the little push I needed to create without guilt. Walking with God helping me continue my quest to understand how it is that some people feel so strongly that they hear the voice of God and other people, who I highly respect, are much more reticent to make such claims. It is quite possible that I won't find answers on this one for a while, but I'm loving the search and John Eldredge is truly enjoyable to read.

Dawn has broken and the baby is stirring so I close reluctantly. These are, after all, the days of little people who must come first.

Staying Busy...

Staying busy is no substitute for a heart saturated in peace.

Spring Sun...

Lazy as a cat, stretched out with toes reaching for the sky. Light filtering through closed lids. Breeze keeps the ends of my hair in constant motion. Even the afternoon train sounds sleepy to me. Why do I seek pleasure elsewhere when this is to be had just out my door?

Sometimes...

Sometimes the one redeeming event in a day is sunshine.

Blur...

If this last year feels like a blur I hope you will take a little time to reflect, jot down some thoughts, and dream about where you want to go this next year.

And when you find a sense of direction and things are coming into focus perhaps you would like to join me is pressing forward to the good things ahead? I'm wrapping up some of the loose ends of my own thoughts and look forward to sharing soon.

My Top 3 Netflix Christmas Movies...

I have taken it upon myself to spend weeks pre-viewing Christmas movies on Netflix, with you my audience as an excuse. After all, I asked myself, how could I recommend my top 3 movies if I was only picking from 5... or 10... or even 15? One inevitable conclusion has presented itself during this viewing marathon: holidays seem to drastically lower one's movie quality standards. Have you ever noticed this? Just because tinsel and holly are everywhere you look it seems that really sad acting and mind-numbing plot lines are worth your time simply because their theme is Christmas? Ick.

Rescued from the sub-standard, here are my favorites:

1. How About You
Plow through the depressing beginning of this one because a climactic celebration scene will warm your soul and make you long for such an experience in your own home.

2. White Christmas
One of my most vivid Christmas memories as a child is of watching this film and being captivated by the styles, colors, the sheer magic of an unlikely story and stylized diction. I come back to it every year with even more love for the rich harmony and sense of community to be found in each scene.

3. The Fitzgerald Family Christmas
What does it say about me that Netflix created a special list of suggestions based on my interest in dysfunctional family drama? What really matters is that I ran across this enjoyable portrayal of the complex lives of a family and the roles each member has chosen.

Over the next few days I fervently hope you have the opportunity to sit down, put your feet up, and enjoy a great Christmas movie. If you are the hub around which your family functions the last few weeks have kept you preoccupied with wonderful and exhausting activity. So before you tackle that sink full of dishes or reach for your planner, please, please just rest for a bit. Curl up next to someone you love and let your whole body breathe. You might find it was just what you needed.

For Myself...

Call me selfish, but I've put aside all the gifts I planned to make to make for Christmas, along with my intense frustration over falling short of those beautiful images in my head. Andrew grinned when I told him that next year if I don't finish making gifts by December 1st I must just go out and buy something instead. He knows it's unlikely.

So putting everything else aside I've chosen a project for myself. Something to make while I watch Christmas movies in the evening. Something that feels selfish because it is entirely for myself. And the frustration is melting away with each stitch.

Triumph...

I must share the triumph of the week with you! For months now I've been searching for the perfect pattern to make something special for a friend expecting a little girl in the new year. The results of my quest were even better than I had hoped, with a soft gray alpaca yarn, pixie hat pattern and some impromptu silk ribbon embroidery along the brim combining to make a little treasure I can't wait to see opened.

My hope is that you too are making time to create, planning surprises for those you love, keeping this season full of good things.

Because of You...

Do you ever stop to consider all the things the women in your life have given you? Not the gifts wrapped and ribboned, but the offering of influence, broadening your understanding, opening your eyes? Here are a few that come to mind this afternoon, though it is by no means an exhaustive list:

Because of you, Sarah, I plunge into adventures in my kitchen with confidence and I know that cobalt blue does actually work with my skin tone.

Because of you, Becky, I take care of my skin and make lattes for friends.

Because of you, Mom, I make lists that get things done and I enter each day with so many amazing skills learned at your side.

Because of you, Sharon, I know what it looks like to be there for someone I love. And did you know that you also taught me to ask how other people are doing and to really listen to what they say?

Because of you, Jennifer, I now love chevron-anything and I melt tension with making up crazy songs I would be mortified for anyone to hear. But if you heard them I know you would throw your bead back and laugh, because you get it.

Because of you, Susie, I was given a vision of what home could be and have gained more joy from a simple pile of threads, fabric and beads than I ever imagined.

Because of you, Bonnie, I plow through exercise videos and try new things at Trader Joes.

Because of you, Katie, I find such peace in knitting beautiful things and I am able to offer myself grace in a way never possible before your friendship.

Because of you, Ms. Bev, I feed my child chocolate with a huge smile and I feel that all will be well whatever life holds.

Because of you, Penny, I speak with boldness and I don't let anyone live rent-free in my head.

Because of each of you I am a different woman. Enriched with your experiences and bolstered with your love. For each of you, I am unspeakably grateful.

Quiet...

In the quiet moments recently I've been pondering the beauty of the simple. The dim lines and soft light of early morning in our bathroom. The few leaves turning orange and yellow on the tree outside. Pears and acorn squash on the table. I don't want to wait until I'm old to appreciate these things.

3 More...

Since posting last night I've been so aware of all the other wonderful little tidbits I've been figuring out recently... perhaps these are new to you too?

- Did you know if you buy a lipstick that ends up being too bright for your taste, adding a layer of lip balm before applying the color really tones it down? Yeah for money that wasn't wasted after all!

- Because I've been getting up so early to exercise the last couple months, early afternoon finds me dragging. And that's ok. Because I've also found that a half hour stretched out under a quilt is unexpectedly refreshing! I'm not saying that my phone goes off and I'm jumping out of bed, but because the habit is now in place I don't consider it an option. The alarm goes off. I put my feet on the floor. And I make a latte.

- Trader Joes carries an amazing spinach tortellini (for only $1.99!!) and I've found the most awesome recipe using it to whip up an incredibly cozy lunch dish. In about 15 minutes. For only 400 calories if you split the whole thing with your toddler. We had it today for lunch but I'm thinking it needs to go right back on next week's menu.

Before closing I have a confession: I love leek soup so much that the smell of it actually made me teary tonight. I still haven't decided if that's sad or beautiful. But God bless the moment that leeks were created.

Learning...

A few things stand out from the last weeks. Things I'm discovering, learning, re-learning, and otherwise making an effort to remember...  

- It doesn't seem to matter how many times I pair ricotta cheese with fresh fruit, convinced that this time I'll surely love it... I still can't enjoy the two together. A lasagna loaded with ricotta is another matter.

- Cleaning schedules are only helpful if you work the program. As in, pull on your big girl panties, grab that scrub brush and make it happen! And is there anything nicer than a shiny shower and fresh sheets?

- A closet packed with clothes doesn't give me nearly as much satisfaction as a stack of perfectly fitting, classic items which can be paired with shoes, cardigans, scarves and jewelry to keep things interesting this winter. And it's convenient I feel this way, as our closet is tiny.

I hope that whatever part of your life you are figuring out right now, journaling is a part of the process. Because it's the small discoveries and thoughts which jotted down will bring a smile to your face in the future. They will be road marks letting you see how much you have changed. 

Birthday...

And what a birthday it was! Don't let this picture fool you, Aimée spent most of her second birthday following her daddy around exclaiming "Balloon!!!" with such persistence and passion for the humble pieces of rubber that I'm surprised she still had energy when the party began.

But there she is in my memory, running in delighted circles with all the other kids, clutching a bunch of balloons and laughing. And she is ripping paper with the help of a little friend, examining toys and gasping in admiration. It was a magical evening for a magical child who has brought more joy to our hearts than we knew possible.

The Park...

We had the most delightful, unexpected experience at the park this week. In a late afternoon, when the day felt like such a waste of potential and Aimée was antsy, we pack up her sippy cup and my book and walked the mile to our closest park. It was empty, and I was relieved. Because when I have a book and a child ready to entertain herself, the last thing I want to find is a super chatty woman next to me on the park bench. I want silence. Happy as an ant in a picnic basket I settled on the closest bench.

So you will get my annoyance when a most definitely chatty woman arrived after us, two children and buckets of sand toys in tow. Arg. And she proceeded to talk, and I gave short, polite answers, making it clear I was fascinated with my book. But as I glanced up regularly to make sure Aimée wasn't getting into trouble, I found my desire for solitude changing. Because this woman's youngest child had carefully pawed through their toys and gently offered one to Aimée. And then they all began playing together. A six year old little boy and an eleven year old girl practically took my child under their wing, talking to her, helping her down the slide, encouraging her to try new things, smiling and patiently waiting as she took her sweet time. And while I might strive for patience and a nurturing atmosphere with Aimée, somehow the fact that other children were offering these things changed them, making them better.

Most kids would have hardly noticed the quiet, sober-faced little two year old plopped in the sandbox. They really saw her. And I felt my heart melting. Who needs to read when you can watch your daughter blossom under such unexpected warmth? So I joined them, arms wrapped around my knees, balanced on the edge of the giant sandbox, opening up to the children's friendly mother. How awesome to find her not just annoyingly garrulous, but also a good listener! And with a rich tapestry of experiences, plenty of opinions to share, and an openness to my own strong opinions that I rarely find.

By the time we headed for home to make dinner I was laughing and lighthearted. The only question on my mind: when can we go to the park again?

Good Things...

Summer has kept my brain preoccupied. With canvas bags of greens, a day trip to the beach, a pile of books and the best Bible study I've ever been to. Moving to the center of this suburb, with it's endless maze of sidewalks has also motivated me to hit the pavement. And would you believe I've taken this beyond my long love of walking with Aimée in the stroller and have even begun running? After years thoroughly convinced I wasn't cut out for such intensity I find that it energizes my mind and pushes my body in the most satisfying way. Beginning the first of September I've even decided to begin training for a 10k. The wonders never cease.

And speaking of wonders, my biggest food discovery this summer has shocked my socks off: kale. Don't only crazy health nuts eat this rabbit food? Apparently not, because with a little experimenting we have discovered a smoothie packed with the stuff that I actually crave. Yes, crave. As in, "No, biscuits and bacon don't really sound good, think I'll make a kale smoothie." Who has taken over my brain?! Because not only do I seem to make these smoothies constantly, I'm adding kale to everything I can think of. Ok, maybe just to pasta. And quiche. Oh, and to omelets. This is scaring me. It makes my other significant food discovery seem perfectly average.

On a more internal note, I've been really fighting for myself this summer. You read correctly. Fighting for myself. As in, recognizing that all that is good and beautiful is opposed by the opposite forces in the world, and unless I'm willing to clear away the noise and pressure of doing, I'll never feel nurtured, rested or full inside.

And I'm tired of living like a stream, brimming some days (when I've had a great night of sleep, some quiet time and a great conversation with Andrew) and then other days only having shallow puddles of energy to exist on. I want to be a reservoir. Full both deep and wide, pouring over the top to those around me. Existing isn't enough. I need to thrive. And half the battle of learning to live full is figuring out what fills you.

I need to watch the light grow and the sun rise as I push myself through another mile. And I need piles of books I'm actually reading. Sometimes I need quiet and sometimes I need it turned all the way up...with no rhyme or reason to what I need when. I need to drive with the windows open and cook with the afternoon sun filling my tiny kitchen. Knitting needs to fill a basket close at hand. And I need to really dig into the Word consistently. This was why my summer study of the book Intimacy with God was such a highlight. Searching the Bible, scribbling notes, journaling, praying and talking with other women who were making this a part of their lives too was so cleansing. The words of Ephesians 5:26 have come alive, talking about Christ cleansing us with the washing of the water of the Word. It is so refreshing.

So I'm determined to finish this last week of August strong. To take Aimée to the park and keep working on our flip flop tans. To read a couple chapters before turning out the light. And to write again. Because there is life in words, and I want to drink them to the full.

Small Things...

Oh how I love that moment when the dishes are done, the sun is setting, and I turn off the kitchen light. And I love putting on Aimée's shoes and hearing her whisper in my ear "thank you" as I set her down, entirely unprompted. Or the dim light of a fall morning, don't you love that too? The way a slight wind can make subtle, shifting patterns of light on the ground.

Sometimes as I'm struggling to make something good out of a day I have to focus on these smallest of gifts. They have the power to change the way I look at life. May you find your own small things today.

Little Changes...

The month of nesting continues! With a lot of hard work and Andrew's never-ending patience, our home continues to feel more settled each day. Yes!! I cannot tell you how great it feels to write this.

In the quiet afternoons while Aimée naps I've been pondering my art supplies/studio area in our bedroom. Because it truly is an empty canvas. In our first home I had a whole room to myself, filled with my fabric and beads. And honestly? I didn't actually sew in there as much as I expected to, or wanted to. On the contrary, I felt constantly disappointed in myself for not making time to enjoy the space.

































So when we moved to a small apartment I stashed boxes and art books under a desk and in the very top of the closet thinking I would downsize my plans and be content with accomplishing less. Still, the nagging feeling of failure and disappointment followed me.

Now I begin over once again, with a fresh slate, swept clean of the past and it's habits. Things have changed. I have a small child who happily naps for a couple of hours in the afternoon, and the recently-found skill of knitting. I have great hopes for the future, and am putting those hopes into practice even now by drafting an art vision and short-term goals. I'm picking up those needles, cutting out that fabric, sketching new ideas.

































Fresh beginnings are a wonderful thing.

A Long One...

Gracious, this has been a long week. All those lovely muscles in my thighs are begging me to stop. My list for today demands I stay focused. So I've come to rest on the couch, with the last of the day's light highlighting the pile of laundry next to me.

Many things have been learned this week about our new house:
- A simple fern set in the kitchen window is enough of our previous home to hold me over until this space feels more settled.
- Wood floors highlight every crumb of biscuit from breakfast and every smidgen of dirt tracked through. It makes me crazy. Crazy.
- Somehow my calculations were off when I was so sure I'd be able to drink coffee and watch the sun rise from the kitchen window. Turns out the sun wakes us up from the other side of the house. At least I can enjoy the last sunlight as I cook dinner!
- The pendant light fixture Andrew installed in Aimée's room? I adore it. With muted cornflower blue walls, the light looks even more beautiful, glowing like a giant water lily. (I've tried to capture this in a photo but I'm pretty sure it's impossible.)
- It's as if the built-in bookcases knew we were coming and arranged to have just the right amount of space.
- By my calculations it has been 13 years since I mowed a lawn, but the satisfaction in cutting wide bands through clover hasn't changed. Hopefully Andrew won't want to mow this summer, because I'm not sharing this cathartic pleasure with anyone. The scent is intoxicating.

There is so much more to tell you, but if I don't finish finding homes for all our cleaning supplies and other life-threatening possessions tonight then I'll have to continue my hyper-vigilance with Aimée tomorrow. And I really need to be able to relax. I'm sure you understand.

Favorite Things...

So many times I've begun a post about my favorite, rave-worthy joys in life... and I've always gotten lost in a mental maze trying to decide which to share with you. Because like the mouse that was given a cookie, one thing would lead to another and before I knew what had happened my computer was abandoned as I wandered off to actually enjoy my favorite things!

My limit for today is three things...

If you've never had a latte that looks like this, with just a shot of hazelnut syrup...you've never lived. And I feel so sorry for you. My favorite cafe of all time (the one I wish I could go to every singe day) serves a latte that doesn't need pastry to keep it company. It's an experience all by itself. Whenever I begin to feel frayed around the edges I start watching for an opportunity to come here with a book for an hour. I leave a different person.

It's been a while since I had shoes I liked this much. If only I'd bought two pairs.

I adore cozy breakfasts with Andrew and Aimée. Biscuits slathered with jam, a steaming tea pot, and yes that is my knitting tucked in there too. Because when the little one has run off to play and we are still lingering to talk, I find keeping my fingers full of yarn and bamboo needles helps me stay. The dishes can wait.

New York...

New York was awesome. Not that you would know I was even headed in that direction with my silence here. A dear friend was going to the IMATS (International Make Up Artist Trade Show) and I tagged along. It was a wonderful trip, full of adventures and great food!

Why have I always assumed Central Park was lame? Obviously I wasn't well-informed, because a few hours wandering in it changed my mind completely. I'm now a huge fan! What an oasis of green and openness in the midst of a concrete jungle! We sat on a park bench and talked our hearts out, watching girls play lacrosse, small children zipping by on their scooters.

Tables brought out into the sun, filled with people laughing and obviously enjoying themselves made us linger in Little Italy, reading menu boards posted on sidewalks, peering into open kitchen doors where fish were being prepped for the pan. Unfortunately the coffee we tried from a charming bakery wasn't worth finishing. An Italian trattoria elsewhere in the city made it up to me later with a beautiful latte.

If you have plans to venture into this bustling city any time soon I highly recommend Macaron Cafe. This box was hard to actually open and enjoy because I loved the colors so much. Thank goodness for photographs...I'll be feasting my eyes on this for a long time!